Learning how to not let things bother you when life sucks and all you want is a do-over is not easy.
But, you must understand that the avenue of Life is going to involve potholes and obstacles.
Psychologist Albert Ellis said accepting that life throws curveballs allows people to better cope with them.
This makes sense.
You can’t expect life to give you everything you want, and to assume so is laughable and ludicrous. It would also make living a nightmare. But, learning how to not let people get to you is a great skill to develop.
It boils down to the idea of Amor Fati, which means to accept and LOVE the things in your life.
You cherish every moment of it, even those instances so terrible you never want to think of them again.
Of course, you may wonder what in the world does this mean.
According to two great philosophers:
- Epictetus said things shouldn’t happen as you wish it, but rather how things actually happen. Only then can life be pleasant.
- Nietzsche noted no one wants anything to be different, but only what is necessary, even if it’s hidden. The idea, he said, was to wake up and think Amor Fati, even if life isn’t going as people would want. Simply put, even if life is unbearable at the moment, wake up and love it anyway.
Love is the key to living a joyous life filled with significant success.
You may not understand what this means, but the idea of loving all the things in your life – even the horrible things – is a potent concept and a fantastic way to begin any day.
Not to mention it will help you to learn how to not let people bother you.
Nietzsche came up with the “Amor Fati” phrase, and it follows the mindset that you can face anything in your day, making the best out of a bad situation.
The idea is to embrace and love every moment – no matter how good or bad it is.
Rather than just being okay with the situation, you can love the situation and improve it. You can imagine how powerful this approach to learning how to not let things get to you.
Make adversity your friend and embrace all that it has to offer to make the most of your circumstances.
This can be hard to do when you’re faced with a situation you’d rather not contend with. Or, when you’re trying to learn how to forget about something that bothers you.
There is not much in life that you have control over – other people, the world, etc. You can’t control what people think or do.
The only person you have control over is yourself – your actions and thoughts.
Why tie your self-worth and happiness to the things you cannot control? Instead, learn how to not let things get to your head by loving things about your life.
Subconsciously, your mind thinks it has control over all things, and when things don’t go according to plan, it’s easy to become upset and angry.
You may even feel aggravated when you are given a reminder that you don’t have any control over something you thought you did.
During these times it is important to focus on getting out of your head
While you cannot control things, you do have control over how you feel about them.
You can change your expectation that everything will go your way any time you want it to.
Don’t see life as always unpredictable, but view it as a chance to respect what challenges lie ahead.
People may see this lack of control as a weakness, but the control comes in the manner of reactions to the situations.
You tell yourself what a situation means and how you will incorporate the situation into your life.
It may seem like you’re powerless, but this is when you have the most power.
This is how you can learn how to stop thinking about something that is bothering you and move on
You cannot control the outside; you can only control yourself – how you accept, love, embrace and make the most of all that happens.
This is what Amor Fati means.
It’s not control but fate.
According to fate, you have no control but can love or not what is happening to you. You are not going to get what you want all the time; you understand that, right?
So, why get so upset that what you want doesn’t occur?
Too often, it’s because people take for granted their pleasures but are aggravated when they face difficulties or obstacles.
People agree that difficulties will occur and that they must work toward what they want.
Working for what they want often can lead to resentful feelings.
Learning how to not let things bother you means to top taking pleasures for granted but take the difficulties for granted instead. See them as challenges and love them as such.
Where there is love, you feel like there is a purpose for everything, and only you can make it a positive aspect.
Your life is a journey, and you may see the acceptance of fate as being something like an execution.
However, view fate as being synonymous with parenthood.
You know there will be times of joy and times of pain, but it’s all along the journey of life.
Welcome the good with the bad and practice how to not let things bother you.
Remember, life is not supposed to be easy. You can get from point A to point B, but you need a starting point in your life and its situation, no matter what they are.
Life is not going to be perfect, but you make it your own. The best thing you can do is love your life and overcome the obstacles it throws at you.
It can be hard to accept the bad with the good, but Amor Fati, even if you don’t feel it at that very moment.
Amor Fati even when you’re faced with the toughest decisions of your life.
So, how can you make sure that you maintain this Amor Fati in the toughest of times?
How can you maintain it when life sends a reminder that you have no real control in your life? And, learn how to not let things bother you?
Stop The Complaints and Denial; You’re Only Hurting Yourself
According to the old saying, “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”
People have denied their reality and complain it is a waste of energy and time that could be used to find a practical answer.
Whenever something bad happens, the first thing people say is that it shouldn’t be occurring.
You can be mad all you want and mope around the house, but what good does that do?
The best thing you can do for yourself is to accept what is and start trying to fix it.
Some people think that crying and complaining leads them to find solutions, but it doesn’t. Has this approach helped you learn how to not let things bother you?
You not only feel worse, but the situation itself is also worse. Any resources you have are being wasted.
Therefore, your first step is to remember the doctor’s oath of “Do No Harm.” You need to remember that you will not allow your attitude to worsen the situation.
Many of the problems you have are first-world problems and quite solvable if given half a chance.
You may think that the acceptance of everything means you are a pushover and that nothing will ever get done.
First of all, that feeling only creeps in because you need some guidance on how to be yourself without worrying about what others think.
But, here’s the thing, there are plenty of times where you accept the circumstances for what they are an adapt.
For instance, you accept that you have broken your arm, but that doesn’t mean you don’t see a doctor about it.
It only means you accept that you broke your arm and won’t spend your energy on complaints. You know that you can’t type for some time or cook well for yourself.
You accept the fact that you will take time away from the computer to relax a little bit.
You’re being practical about the situation because you don’t have a choice.
Another example is if you’re in jail. You can deny all that you want that you’re behind bars, but the reality is that you are indeed behind bars.
You will need to eventually accept it and consider what it is you will do now.
It makes no sense to complain or deny what is happening when it obviously is. So, what do you do to overcome your obstacles?
What Does The Future Hold?
At the time you’re experiencing the worst of the worst (in your mind), you need to stop and take a realistic approach to what the future could hold.
If you can learn how to not let things bother you by looking past them – your whole perspective will change.
This will help you to recognize that things are not as bad as they seem at the moment.
It may seem terrible at that moment, but when you really think about it, it’s not. It’s a problem until the next problem rears its ugly head.
Then, your first problem isn’t even worth considering. The never-ending pattern that you need to break. The disaster you are facing is trivial at best, so give it that perspective.
How can you make it trivial in your mindset?
Think to the future. Ask yourself how you’re really going to feel about it in a week or two?
Most times, you won’t feel as strongly as you do now. A breakup, a death in the family, or public embarrassment will not be as bad as it is now a couple of years later.
You may feel bad, but that overwhelming sinking feeling won’t be there two or three years later.
Why should you punish yourself today for it?
It may feel like the end of the world right now, but with time, the pain will ease.
Whatever the situation, embrace it and love what it is teaching you.
The last thing you want to be is bogged down by it, with all kinds of emotions hurting you more than helping you.
The reality is that people fight against things currently ongoing with them. With a bit of time and perspective, they find that this was dumb and adolescent.
Nobody considers that when something terrible is happening at the time, it could be saving you from something worse.
Believe it or not, there could be worse things happening to you.
Looking at the Amor Fati perspective, you need to stop and objectively look at your life. It’s a piece of advice that you would give to others, so why not yourself?
All the obstacles you face make up your story/journey. You cannot have a great story without them.
The key is to love them for how they work into your story down the road, not at the very moment they are happening.
How can you stop being so passive and look toward the future that could bring you the ultimate happiness?
Compare Life As If It Were A Game
When people start a game, they don’t go into it thinking they don’t want any challenges. It’s no fun to play a game with no challenges.
Remember, each time you beat a level, the next level is going to get even more complicated. Wouldn’t you be upset if the game didn’t get more difficult the more you play it?
Think of life as a game.
Don’t focus so much on the results you get from things out of your control. See the game of life as being whack-a-mole.
Your whacker is the amor while the moles are the fati.
Life is like a game. If you are constantly arguing about the rules of a game, you’ll never be playing it.
It may not make sense to you why the rules are the way they are, but the rules are there for a reason. Life is much like the arbitrary rules you feel are stupid, but you must accept them and play the game for all your worth.
Life is a game you will fail and try, try again. They can be fun, aggravating and exciting.
Life is similar to games in all kinds of ways. You won’t be complaining or denying; you’ll just accept that times are tough one day and good the next.
When you see life as a game, you accept that it is what it is and make the most of it.
From there, it’s time to be appreciative of the good and bad times.
It’s Time You Appreciate Your Good and Bad Times
It can be challenging to love the bad times as you would the good ones, but as you can see, accepting them is very important to feeling better about life.
When bad stuff does occur, you may think you are in the right, and the answers are already there. However, this perception of the situation is impartial truth.
There is no way to be impartial because there is no history to benefit from. You do not know what the problem could mean in the grand scheme of things.
You may be aggravated that you missed your flight, but how would you feel if that same plan ended up crashing?
Chances are you’d feel relieved you weren’t on the plane.
No one can predict the future, and you cannot make judgments on things that do happen.
Be grateful for any challenge you face and accept it for what it is.
According to Epictetus, people are ungrateful for problems because they don’t see them objectively.
They see the problem as unfair. You think it’s not possible to overcome the problem. It’s seen as anything but objective, which makes it hard to feel appreciative of it.
If you are appreciative of things, you don’t feel trapped by the bad stuff. You focus on the journey ahead of you.
This perspective makes you feel ready to take on the world and overcome the obstacles facing the day ahead.
“Love of fate” – this is what this all boils down to
If you truly want to learn how to not let things bother you. Then, stop wishing that things could be different and better.
Just accept what is happening and love them as they are.
Embrace them for what they mean to you later on. This is a source of both strength and power. A powerful person sees problems and accepts them; a weak person wants things a certain way and complains about them.
A strong person makes the most of what they are dealt with and keeps moving forward. And you are a strong person.
Various research demonstrates that being appreciative is a powerful way in which to be happier.
This means you need to love the good and bad times. Be appreciative for everything you are given instead of being upset by the cards you are dealt.
What does Amor Fati mean? It means to accept and love life, every bit of it – good or bad.
Denying or getting upset about what is happening in your life only wastes precious energy.
Focus on what the present is trying to teach you and look to the future.
Remember, life is a game. It’s not supposed to be easy if you want it to be fun. Good or bad; you have a story to tell, so make it a good one.
Just remember to appreciate what you have in life and turn some bad into something good. That’s the surefire way to learn how to not let things bother you.
Amor Fati is an interesting concept that makes you look at the bigger picture and change your perception.
Be strong and trust that you will overcome your obstacles.
Life makes the rules, not you, but it is your journey to take and your game to play.
You can find cheats every now and then, but you can’t expect to win all the time. But, according to Amor Fati, it’s not the way you should be playing anyway.
There is no fun with a life like that!
So, when you get up in the morning, you may feel tired and unready to face the day ahead.
Remember Amor Fati and look ahead to what the game has to offer you. Be grateful for it, and don’t complain about what you can’t change.
As the song says, “Love the one you’re with,” but today isn’t about a romance. It’s about loving the life you have – be it good or bad.