Hearing someone say, “You are a beautiful woman” always used to make me feel really uncomfortable.
It was like I was taking credit for something that I shouldn’t. Like I should be more modest and not accept compliments about my looks.
I also didn’t really like the attention. I was happy to just go unnoticed because that meant fewer people that I had to pretend to be okay for.
But, as I have learned to step into my power and embrace my anxiety as a superpower, I have learned that the terms beautiful or beauty don’t only mean superficial looks.
What is your definition of beauty?
As I have made my way through my journey to embrace my anxiety and feel strength from vulnerability, I have learned how much choice I have.
In fact, that has been one of the more empowering levels to all of this. Acknowledging that I get to choose what my story is about my anxiety. I get to choose what my thoughts are about my past. And, I get to choose what my definitions are for things like “success” and “beauty”.
I was talking with my sister the other day, who is a nurse. And, she’s having a difficult time being a mom and a nurse during this CoronaVirus pandemic.
I told her, “You have every right to make choices that you think are best for you, your family, and your circumstances.”
That goes for you too.
And, you especially have a right to make those choices without worrying about what other people think. When you learn to be the opposite of a people pleaser and make choices by trusting your gut – you take back your life and really stand in your own power.
Where does this process all start from?
It starts with defining those labels for yourself. A label is only a bad thing if it represents a definition that is out of alignment for you.
In other words, what do you think “beauty” really is? What definition of beauty do you aspire to be?
In which areas of that definition are you not quite reaching the bar? How would your self-esteem improve if you defined beauty and worked to embody that definition? And, not the definition that has been imposed on you by society, family, friends, etc.
Let’s say that your definition of “beautiful” means you are a confident, strong, attractive woman who knows what she wants and sets strong boundaries to honor her goals.
If you were fully living that definition wouldn’t it feel amazing to hear someone say “you are a beautiful woman”?
What relationship exists between beauty and self-esteem?
Many things in our lives influence self-esteem. And, self-esteem & confidence go hand-in-hand.
So, as you’re on your journey to embrace your anxiety and find strength in vulnerability it’s important to acknowledge those things that will have an effect.
Your feelings about your personal beauty being one of them.
We’ve already talked about the fact that you have to strip away the definition that other people have given for the word and define it for yourself.
And, once you do that, it’s important to determine if that definition is supporting or hindering your mental health goals.
For instance, your definition of beauty might be “being 30 lbs thinner”. Wrapping your whole beauty definition around your body image is not supportive of your mental health goals.
Instead, something like, “eating clean, exercising three times per week, and feeling strong mentally and physically” would be a more nurturing definition.
Losing the weight might be an awesome bonus to embodying this definition, but it shouldn’t be your sole and only focus in order to feel “beautiful”.
Being mindful of the relationship between self-esteem and beauty is important as you’re designing your personal definition because, if you’re not mindful, you could do more harm than good.
Once you have a solid definition that is supportive of your mental health goals it’s time to engrain that sucker into your mind so that you begin to truly LIVE it.
And, that is where affirmations can be so amazingly powerful.
How do affirmations help?
First, in case you don’t know, an affirmation is a statement that you speak out loud to yourself that affirms something about you.
The statement may not be true at the moment that you speak it, and that’s okay. The point is, that you speak the statement out loud to yourself consistently enough that your brain starts to accept it as being true.
I realize this sounds like witchcraft.
But, it’s actually science.
Couple of things for you to know first:
- Cognitive bias: A concept that explains all of the different things that influence the way that we see the world. I.e., our memory of an event, if we were scared at the time the event happened if we were feeling jealous at the time of the event, etc
- Negative bias: A concept that illustrates how we as humans are more likely to believe and remember negative events than positive ones
- Reticular Activating System (RAS): Bundle of nerves in your brainstem that filters processes and filters information that comes into your brain i.e., what color is the door of the 5th house up the block from your house? If you can’t remember it’s because your RAS has determined that information unimportant and has filtered it out of your memory
Now, let’s talk about how to leverage all of this information to your advantage when it comes to beauty, self-esteem, and confidence.
Essentially, we want to take the concept of cognitive bias and use it to our advantage by flattening the negative bias and filling the reticular activating system with positive.
By repeating positive affirmations daily that are designed to change your mindset, you are slowly training your RAS to value those pieces of information and NOT filter them out.
Instead, the RAS will start to push those affirmations into the subconscious where they become fact and a part of who you are.
But, because of negative bias, you have to repeat them several times per day and every day.
You Are A Beautiful Woman: 50 Affirmations to Believe it!
Remember, your definition of beauty is your own. It is a personal choice and should reflect characteristics that would make you feel powerful if you embodied each of them.
Some of these affirmations won’t resonate with you. But, you can always replace words so that “Eating clean comes easy to me” says “Speaking my mind comes easy to me” or, whatever characteristics are part of your definition
- I am strong
- I am confident
- I am sexy
- I am in love with my body
- I am feminine and graceful
- I am captivating
- I am glowing and full of life
- I am an inspiration to others
- I am desirable
- I am worthy
- Every day in every way I look beautiful
- I am flawless
- I am healthy in mind, spirit, and body
- I am grateful for my beautiful body
- I am unique
- I am irreplaceable
- I see the true beauty in me
- I am admired
- I forgive myself
- I am committed to my mental and physical goals
- It is my intention today to hold strong boundaries
- It is my intention today to value myself above all else
- I am willing to surrender
- I can choose my own story today
- I can do 25 sit-ups (choose the exercise and the reps that best put you out of your comfort zone)
- I am willing to see things differently
- I am willing to dream big
- I am willing to stretch past my comfort zone and reach towards big goals
- I am an exceptional person
- I can have a healthy and strong body
- I can do hard things
- I am willing to commit to 30 minutes of exercise today
- I can eat clean today
- I release other peoples’ definitions of beauty
- I let go of people-pleasing
- I am more beautiful and loving each day
- I love all of me without exception
- I accept myself completely
- I am loveable
- I am charming
- I am charismatic
- I love the way that I look each time I see my reflection
- I love having my photo taken
- I am happy to accept compliments
- I am free of negativity
- Thinking positively about myself comes easily to me
- I am perfect just the way that I am
- I am proud of who I am and how I look
- I have an unshakeable confidence
- I love my (insert part of your body you have the biggest hang-up about)
Choose 10 of these affirmations and repeat them out loud to yourself 3 times, each day for 21 days.
Each time you say an affirmation, set an intention to truly believe it. Allow yourself to feel like what you are saying is actually true. That is the real power in this exercise.
Keep track in your journal of how each day goes with this so that you can look back and see where it really started taking hold and started to feel more like these statements and feelings were real.
That’s the moment your brain created new neuropathways and you rewired it!